When I was pregnant with my first child, I knew without a doubt that he was boy. In my heart of hearts I knew all my life I would have a boy and he would be the first born. When I became pregnant with my second child, I subconsciously, and probably more consciously than I'm willing to admit, knew I was having a girl. And at that time; wishing and hoping and praying it was a boy for more reason than one.
My reasons for a boy were minimal. One, I wanted a boy for economic purposes. I know for a fact any mother going into their second child at the very least thinks about this aspect as they have become fully aware of the cost of one child. And oh man, the thought of at least saving on clothes AND choice of toys is nothing but dollar signs. Lets not forget they would potentially be able to share a room for forever! KA-CHING!
Two, I didn't want the relationship with my daughter that I have with my mom. A little blurb of that particular relationship as I saw it. I was 25ish when I got pregnant and had been through a lot of cray stuff even for a 25 year old. Some which my mom knew, a lot she didn't and may still not know. I lived with my Grandmother for a while. I know and understand the reason. All the stories that come with my mom during that time I do not know. I'm sure that whatever was going on at that time was tough and the decision to leave me with my grandma was confirmed the best. I thank her for that frequently. Everything kinda gets a little blurry from when I was in third grade and met my BFFSG (Best Friend Forever Since 3rd Grade!) until we moved to Minnesota with my new Step Dad. I had a lot of hurt and anger inside me and they are things that I have worked through on multiple occasions and may even still find myself still projecting lasting effects.
On the plus side, I feel differently toward my mother now, then I did back then and definitely for the better. However, I did not enjoy my relationship with my mother as a child for a long time. I have different speculations as to why but I've never been able to pin-point this particular reason. I've also wondered frequently if this is just typical mother/daughter nomenclature and the cycle of 'coming to' with your relationship is a coming to of maturity for females in general. These generalized ideas are kind of why I had my doubts about having a girl.
knowing from the beginning that I was having a girl whether I was ready to admit it or not, I always knew my heart and soul loved her from the beginning. It was different from my son but vast nonetheless...even though I was still not ok with the idea of a girl until I had my 22wk sonogram. And even then...NO PINK! Fun fact: for both our kids we had only one name that was of no question from the beginning, and that was their first names.
Having a girl, let me just say, involves an overwhelming amount of pink. Everything comes in pink and it's very difficult to find it in any other color. Purple is next but even that seems to be a discluded color amongst newborns. If you haven't gathered yet I don't much care for the color pink. I'll make exceptions but they are particular. Clothes get cuter as they get older...or they just have a girlie effect on me. (Tomboy for life!) So I've discovered having a girl isn't all that bad and that even with all the dang pink I have in my house now, I can still have a little girl who apparently really likes a lot of the things that I like already. Regardless of what she does end up growing to like, I know that we will be connected in our relationship. And I believe that is what I want the most.
As I write this out, I hope who ever chooses to read this sees it from multiple perspectives and respects all perspectives including my own. And know that all experiences in life though similar; are extremely different.
