Hallmark Holiday

That's right, I'm one of those who thinks Valentines Day is a Hallmark Holiday specially pushed by card companies and flower companies to spend money on one singular day of "love." One day where you either have someone you can say I love you to or a day where you are recognized publicly to be alone. A day where we yet again waste paper products on cards we'll never have for a lifetime and flowers that will fade within a week and chocolate that makes our asses fatter. Nothing says love like dead flowers and diabetes.

Love to me, is one of those things that shouldn't be forced one day out of the year. Why demonstrate love publically? Why push PDA on the mass of society when this is something you could randomly display on any occasion. I find it much more romantic when I'm surprised with flowers on a random day then on a day that's internationally pushed for material goods. People measure how much they are loved based on what they receive. Who's received the biggest bouquet of flowers, the biggest box of chocolates, the shiniest piece of jewelry....

Am I indifferent to V-Day....sure more than likely. Will I be a grinch about the holiday, no. I am not one to rain on someone's parade. But I'd much rather spend my days feeling special and loved by the person who is suppose to make me feel that way on a daily basis (I'll settle for once a week). I've tried to escape the swarm of pink and hearts of this holiday by celebrating my anniversary two days before the wretched cupid induced swoonfest. It's made finding an anniversary card easy and hard all at once. It's easy to find cards spewing love all over the place but in the end they all say Happy Valentines Day. I see the flaws in my master plan to avoid a silly holiday.

Ultimately, this holiday I would never think twice about if we banned it completely from our lexicon of holidays. It's unnecessary and celebrates something that we should practice on a daily basis. We shouldn't need a holiday to remind us to show each other that we love and care about each other.

Time of Year

This is it. This is the time of year that makes me wish I didn't live in paradise. The time of year that brings me to a feeling of homesickness more than any other time of year.

Photo credits to Betsy Struxness @be_strux 

Growing up in the midwest part of the United States I always enjoyed and appreciated the feeling of fall. The temperature dropping but not so cold you can still go outside with just a long sleeve shirt on. The school football games and the smell of crisp air. The leaves turning on all the trees to brilliant oranges, purples, reds, and yellows and then falling to the ground. Yes even a part of me misses having to rake up all the leaves.

@be_stux

I lived in a pretty quiet town for a long time. I remember the sound of fall. During the quietest of moments you could hear the leaves turn.

I miss the opportunities that came with the turning of the seasons to see the northern lights. Nothing was more marvelous than being able to experience that on a yearly basis...even if I did have to wear a parka to see them.

@be_strux

The first frost was always the most fun for me too. Jack has always tickled my visual senses with his intricate frost designs on pretty much anything it touched. And I've come to realize why people who live in areas where the seasons change are a bit more friendlier to each other. They have to huddle to stay warm. Gotta be nice to those standing next to you because when it's your turn to rotate you don't want to be the penguin that got left out.

Paradise is nice, but seasons are nicer.



Photo credits go to the amazing Betsy Struxness.

My Application to Reality TV

Everyone has their favorite reality TV smut that they like to watch. If not religiously only occasionally...but they still have it. Mine would have to be Big Brother. I don't know what it is about the show that gets me but every season leaves me wanting to be on the show more and more thinking I might be the next 500K winner.

Picture submitted for BB17 application

So I submitted my application today. It would be an amazing feat to even make it to the next round of casting so the fact that I got all my stuff together that they need was amazing!  They had some pretty generic questions and an essay that had to be 70 words or less. That was the hardest part of the whole application trying to condense myself into that few words.

I also decided to go with a recent pic vs the default pic I use for everything (because it's the best pic I've ever taken).

I'll keep everyone updated as to if I hear anything from the casting directors so until then...keep your fingers crossed!

Favorite Patient

Found out today that my favorite patient passed away yesterday. He had had a long battle with cancer and some other ailments. I'll miss all our conversations about our favorite football team and randomness involving the world. I don't normally cry when patients pass but this one hit me. I will miss him dearly and hope that his mother finds comfort around those who loved him and love her. He was her everything. R.I.P. Jack...I hope your black and gold is brilliant wherever you are. You will be missed.

The Pink In My Life

When I was pregnant with my first child, I knew without a doubt that he was boy. In my heart of hearts I knew all my life I would have a boy and he would be the first born. When I became pregnant with my second child, I subconsciously, and probably more consciously than I'm willing to admit, knew I was having a girl. And at that time; wishing and hoping and praying it was a boy for more reason than one.

My reasons for a boy were minimal. One, I wanted a boy for economic purposes. I know for a fact any mother going into their second child at the very least thinks about this aspect as they have become fully aware of the cost of one child. And oh man, the thought of at least saving on clothes AND choice of toys is nothing but dollar signs. Lets not forget they would potentially be able to share a room for forever! KA-CHING!

Two, I didn't want the relationship with my daughter that I have with my mom. A little blurb of that particular relationship as I saw it. I was 25ish when I got pregnant and had been through a lot of cray stuff even for a 25 year old. Some which my mom knew, a lot she didn't and may still not know. I lived with my Grandmother for a while. I know and understand the reason. All the stories that come with my mom during that time I do not know. I'm sure that whatever was going on at that time was tough and the decision to leave me with my grandma was confirmed the best. I thank her for that frequently. Everything kinda gets a little blurry from when I was in third grade and met my BFFSG (Best Friend Forever Since 3rd Grade!) until we moved to Minnesota with my new Step Dad. I had a lot of hurt and anger inside me and they are things that I have worked through on multiple occasions and may even still find myself still projecting lasting effects.

On the plus side, I feel differently toward my mother now, then I did back then and definitely for the better. However, I did not enjoy my relationship with my mother as a child for a long time. I have different speculations as to why but I've never been able to pin-point this particular reason. I've also wondered frequently if this is just typical mother/daughter nomenclature and the cycle of 'coming to' with your relationship is a coming to of maturity for females in general. These generalized ideas are kind of why I had my doubts about having a girl.

knowing from the beginning that I was having a girl whether I was ready to admit it or not, I always knew my heart and soul loved her from the beginning. It was different from my son but vast nonetheless...even though I was still not ok with the idea of a girl until I had my 22wk sonogram. And even then...NO PINK! Fun fact: for both our kids we had only one name that was of no question from the beginning, and that was their first names.

Having a girl, let me just say, involves an overwhelming amount of pink. Everything comes in pink and it's very difficult to find it in any other color. Purple is next but even that seems to be a discluded color amongst newborns. If you haven't gathered yet I don't much care for the color pink. I'll make exceptions but they are particular. Clothes get cuter as they get older...or they just have a girlie effect on me. (Tomboy for life!) So I've discovered having a girl isn't all that bad and that even with all the dang pink I have in my house now, I can still have a little girl who apparently really likes a lot of the things that I like already. Regardless of what she does end up growing to like, I know that we will be connected in our relationship. And I believe that is what I want the most.


As I write this out, I hope who ever chooses to read this sees it from multiple perspectives and respects all perspectives including my own. And know that all experiences in life though similar; are extremely different.

Drop kick a kid

Is it ok to not care for a parent based on how the child behaves towards my own. There is a child in Leif's daycare, we will call him Butthead for conversations sake, who is down right rude and mean. Leif really wanted to go to a friends birthday party a few weeks back. In fact it was his first birthday party of his friends that he really made a stink about so we decided to take him. Butthead was there and when his mom asked him if he and Leif were friends the kid said; "sometimes yes and sometimes no."

This is where my question is: In my opinion I think this type of behavior at this age is a direct demonstration of one of the parents if not both. Is it a result of the parents behavior? Whether it was deliberately taught or not I think this would be a direct result. Ok play the devil's advocate and let's just pretend that he has no dad. Call me cold but I think the mom needs to step forward and play the dad too. I would never allow my child to walk all over me and be disrespectful to others even as a single mom. Maybe I just don't understand how tough it is but I have seen single moms raise their children, specifically boys, but no excuses for mom regardless of her background to not step forward and be there for her children and provide some sort of stability.

 If I EVER heard Leif say that I would almost immediately if not later at the first opportune moment pull him aside and discuss the fact that he was completely rude and even though it's good to be honest you must use your judgement in what you say to people. In this case, the mom just laughed.

Before I even knew what kid this lady belonged to, she would walk by me and I'd just get this feeling of fakeness. I feel awful for being judgmental but it's one of those things you can't escape. When I found out what kid belonged to her I didn't care for her even more. When I found out that her kid, is a bully and makes my kid cry, I wanted to drop kick this kid and give the mom the bird next time she smiles at me.

How much of a child's behavior towards other people a direct reflection of ones atmosphere growing up? How they were taught to love and respect those around them...if at all. I'll be talking to the director of the daycare tomorrow.

Here's what happened: Leif had an AWESOME day today. Got a sticker for being good at school, listened all evening, ate his dinner, and even washed his hair by himself for the very first time. After we read our bedtime stories I tucked him in gave him a hug and kiss and said goodnight. As I went to shut the door he stuck his tongue out at me and blew a raspberry. When I immediately opened the door to ask him why he did that he had a melt down. Said he didn't want to get into trouble and that it was just a sneeze. I reminded him that he would get in more trouble if he lied to me versus telling me the truth. That's when the waterworks came. He broke down and said he didn't want to get in trouble and that Butthead did it to him at school and called him names. I immediately came to his side and hugged him telling him that he is a smart, kind, and sweet little man. Told him to tell the teacher if this Butthead is mean to him anymore and to remember how it feels when someone is mean to him before he is mean to someone else. I wanted nothing more to unleash mama bear on this kid and give a tongue lashing to the mom at that very moment. My favorite pal crying because some kid is a bully. Now I realize is when I need to equip him with the emotional tools and intelligence to defeat bullies in the most appropriate of manners. Just gotta figure out what those are.

This just made me laugh so I decided to use it.

True Blood Season Finale--SPOILERS

Firstly I just want to state that the season finale of True Blood I think could have totally been 2 hours long. So many ways it could have gone. I mean...I'd love to have seen more Eric Northman!

Secondly...the ending was totally rushed. I mean come on!! Sookie ends up with some guy who looks like Wolverine from the side?!

Thirdly, I completely forgot the whole vampire explodes when they die thing so when Vampire Bill and Sookie staked him together, super vampirey sweet btw, I definitely did a 'HOLY COW' moment when it happened.

I'll miss the series even though I have only actively been following the series for the last two seasons. I like the series and recommend it to anyone who likes scifi, vampires that don't sparkle but are sexy, and fairies!

That's all I'm gonna say on this matter since I'm still upset the ending felt rushed. And still pissed Vampire Bill did die and Sookie didn't have magical healing powers to cure Vampire Bill and live happily ever after.

Anybody for a spin off? "New Blood?"