My Best Friend And The 'C' Word

She finally went the Emergency Room after months of hematochezia and weight loss on a weekend. The impromptu visit was brought on by the syncope and the worry of not being there for her kids. I found out through text that she had the dirty C word. She has cancer. I didn't find out what kind or really much of anything besides the locations of where her cancer was until about 5 days after she was diagnosed. I wanted to give her space so she wasn't bombed with texts and phone calls from those she was telling with questions. I felt like I could wait...I was with her in the beginning, I knew I'd be with her throughout it all. I could wait.

I spent the next couple nights thinking only of her in my spare thoughts. I cried the most for her on a Monday night. That's when my heart hurt the most. I think that's the moment I realized that's when I loved her the most as a friend too.

This has been really hard to go through as her friend. I can't even imagine the amount of suffering emotionally and mentally she is going through. Just fighting the disease is a huge battle all around by itself but having to consider your children and husband in the mix and preparing for a potential future without you there with them is something that only the strong themselves can truly do. She has always been an amazingly strong woman. Never allowing pride to be the fault that breaks her but allowing pride to be the thing that drives her. She works hard, loves hard, and lives to the fullest. Cancer has become the thing that will be her toughest enemy. Good thing she's a tough b*tch and is going to win this battle.

Her treatments are rough and long and pretty much drain the crap out of her. She's lost so much weight I just want to kidnap her and force feed her cookies, doughnuts and ice cream for days. Granted she looks great and our running joke is that the 'Soup Diet' works....but I just want her to get a fat ass when she eats too much candy like everyone else.

I still cry every now and then. There are moments where it's harder than others. But it's ridiculous at best in comparison.  My heart still aches when I think about what she is going through and the potential absence in my life. And then I think about the not thinking about the absence as it's not the way things will go. That positive energy must be there to help give strength and courage in every aspect.

I imagine myself standing next to her holding her hand sometimes with the wind blasting us in the face and our heads bent down bearing the brunt of the force, eventually slowing to a relaxing breeze with nothing but warmth  around us. This will be beat.

This is hard writing this. It's hard going through this as a friend. It's hard because of where we worked. Not a day goes by that a patient doesn't find out and ask for all the details. Not a week goes by that I don't cry with a patient over the diagnosis and console them that she's a fighter and will beat this. Not a month goes by that I encourage those who are old and have seen life and death more than any human cares to that she's young and vibrant and tough and will beat this. Not a moment goes by that someone isn't praying for her to keep up the good fight and win this battle. I do regret any flakiness I've had towards her in the past and that I've allowed my social anxieties to get the better of me. This is something I work on to enjoy the daily and add another list of 'no regrets' to my life story. I expect to share this for many years with her.

She has many trials ahead of her and many obstacles. Please find it in your hearts to donate because every little bit helps her in fighting the good fight. Can't donate? Please share and help spread the word to get yourself checked regularly for not only Colon Cancer but all cancers.

Click here: GoFundMe for my BFF

Abbi-The Orange Headed Step Cat

So I own this cat name Abbi. That's spelled A.B.Bi. Daughter of Spruce. Father unknown. She is a short-haired, Tabby-cat with eyes of marigold. She's neurotic, mean and drools when you pet her. She meows loudly at the kids doors after we put them to bed and pees on the floor next to the litter box. She scratches you when you walk by randomly and licks you when you're not looking. This is her story.

Abbi was born into this world breech. I remember my husband, then boyfriend, calling me on the phone telling me Spruce was in labor. I remember telling him what to do in the event of a breach, I said I'd be right there and hung up the phone and sped over the causeway to attempt to get there to see some of the kittens being born.

By the time I got there 3 kittens had come into the world. Spruce was laboring into her fourth kitten. I think fate had a hand to play in the birth of Abbi as she came out about ten minutes after I got there... and she was breech.

I've seen calves birthed breach a couple of times and some sheep and a couple kittens but had never personally helped in any of them. After I got a firm but careful grip I helped birth Abbi and laid her down next to Spruce. Spruce almost immediately went into delivering for the last kitten, completely ignoring the kitten she'd just given birth to. I picked Abbi up and cleaned her face and rubbed her and within a few moments a little mew came from her mouth.

She was an orange tabby cat, and I claimed her as mine. When she was just barely old enough to wean, I took her home to meet my man-cat Edward.  Per typical Edwardism, he was thoroughly unimpressed. But all kittens are super cute and she became a favorite for both Edward and I.

Shortly after I noticed a little pin sized hole in her shoulder. Not knowing what it was exactly I made a mental note to just keep an eye on it. It's a good thing I did because that little tiny hole gradually grew bigger until it eventually hit the size of a pencil eraser head. Until I could figure out what it was I made her a couple kitty sweaters from my socks to keep her from licking the wound.

I came home with a friend from work equipped with tweezers, a scalpel, clindamycin, and bandages thinking I was going to be draining some sort of abscess. When I got there my sister came out with Abbi in her arms and informed me that her wound had moved. I knew exactly what it was. I had my friend hold her down as I pressed down around the outside of the hole in her shoulder. As soon as I saw a black thing stick its head out I gently grabbed it with tweezers and started to pull. That sucker had a pretty tight hold for how what it was!

After almost losing it, it was completely out and drowning in a half drank bottle of water. I bandage her wound up and gave her a lengthy researched dose of clindamycin. Put a sweater on her and went to show Reed. She had a speedy recovery and was no worse for the wear. Note: Research Bot Fly Larvae

A few months of the larvae incident, we moved to a different location and had just finished bringing the cats over. We decided to go run a couple of errands after we had put a few boxes in their places. I think we were gone for maybe 20 minutes or so before we got back and  heard little mews of distress. We started our search for the orange furball immediately. I ended up finding her in a room that had some fishing poles, one of which was set up with a Sabiki rig.

I found Abbi attached to the end of one of the hooks gripped to the side of a mattress so she didn't hang off the line by her cheek. I picked her up and Reed and I went into action. After cutting the line we started to wrap her in a towel to keep her safe. From there it was a serious of trial and error to figure out how to get this tiny hook out of her mouth. The amazing thing about this is as soon as we got the hook out, she went straight to her bowl and ate some food seemingly unaffected by the event.

From there her lives have been a roller coaster of ups and downs and near misses. She is truly the epitome of 'Curiosity kills the cat.' We love her in the 'stop being so curious and kill all of your nine lives before we get too attached kinda way.' Out of all the joking of her being the red headed step cat, and us always trying to sell her or even give her away for free because of all her shortcomings, she is still here with us. Living as our little ass backwards bitch, Abbi.

Hallmark Holiday

That's right, I'm one of those who thinks Valentines Day is a Hallmark Holiday specially pushed by card companies and flower companies to spend money on one singular day of "love." One day where you either have someone you can say I love you to or a day where you are recognized publicly to be alone. A day where we yet again waste paper products on cards we'll never have for a lifetime and flowers that will fade within a week and chocolate that makes our asses fatter. Nothing says love like dead flowers and diabetes.

Love to me, is one of those things that shouldn't be forced one day out of the year. Why demonstrate love publically? Why push PDA on the mass of society when this is something you could randomly display on any occasion. I find it much more romantic when I'm surprised with flowers on a random day then on a day that's internationally pushed for material goods. People measure how much they are loved based on what they receive. Who's received the biggest bouquet of flowers, the biggest box of chocolates, the shiniest piece of jewelry....

Am I indifferent to V-Day....sure more than likely. Will I be a grinch about the holiday, no. I am not one to rain on someone's parade. But I'd much rather spend my days feeling special and loved by the person who is suppose to make me feel that way on a daily basis (I'll settle for once a week). I've tried to escape the swarm of pink and hearts of this holiday by celebrating my anniversary two days before the wretched cupid induced swoonfest. It's made finding an anniversary card easy and hard all at once. It's easy to find cards spewing love all over the place but in the end they all say Happy Valentines Day. I see the flaws in my master plan to avoid a silly holiday.

Ultimately, this holiday I would never think twice about if we banned it completely from our lexicon of holidays. It's unnecessary and celebrates something that we should practice on a daily basis. We shouldn't need a holiday to remind us to show each other that we love and care about each other.