My Best Friend And The 'C' Word

She finally went the Emergency Room after months of hematochezia and weight loss on a weekend. The impromptu visit was brought on by the syncope and the worry of not being there for her kids. I found out through text that she had the dirty C word. She has cancer. I didn't find out what kind or really much of anything besides the locations of where her cancer was until about 5 days after she was diagnosed. I wanted to give her space so she wasn't bombed with texts and phone calls from those she was telling with questions. I felt like I could wait...I was with her in the beginning, I knew I'd be with her throughout it all. I could wait.

I spent the next couple nights thinking only of her in my spare thoughts. I cried the most for her on a Monday night. That's when my heart hurt the most. I think that's the moment I realized that's when I loved her the most as a friend too.

This has been really hard to go through as her friend. I can't even imagine the amount of suffering emotionally and mentally she is going through. Just fighting the disease is a huge battle all around by itself but having to consider your children and husband in the mix and preparing for a potential future without you there with them is something that only the strong themselves can truly do. She has always been an amazingly strong woman. Never allowing pride to be the fault that breaks her but allowing pride to be the thing that drives her. She works hard, loves hard, and lives to the fullest. Cancer has become the thing that will be her toughest enemy. Good thing she's a tough b*tch and is going to win this battle.

Her treatments are rough and long and pretty much drain the crap out of her. She's lost so much weight I just want to kidnap her and force feed her cookies, doughnuts and ice cream for days. Granted she looks great and our running joke is that the 'Soup Diet' works....but I just want her to get a fat ass when she eats too much candy like everyone else.

I still cry every now and then. There are moments where it's harder than others. But it's ridiculous at best in comparison.  My heart still aches when I think about what she is going through and the potential absence in my life. And then I think about the not thinking about the absence as it's not the way things will go. That positive energy must be there to help give strength and courage in every aspect.

I imagine myself standing next to her holding her hand sometimes with the wind blasting us in the face and our heads bent down bearing the brunt of the force, eventually slowing to a relaxing breeze with nothing but warmth  around us. This will be beat.

This is hard writing this. It's hard going through this as a friend. It's hard because of where we worked. Not a day goes by that a patient doesn't find out and ask for all the details. Not a week goes by that I don't cry with a patient over the diagnosis and console them that she's a fighter and will beat this. Not a month goes by that I encourage those who are old and have seen life and death more than any human cares to that she's young and vibrant and tough and will beat this. Not a moment goes by that someone isn't praying for her to keep up the good fight and win this battle. I do regret any flakiness I've had towards her in the past and that I've allowed my social anxieties to get the better of me. This is something I work on to enjoy the daily and add another list of 'no regrets' to my life story. I expect to share this for many years with her.

She has many trials ahead of her and many obstacles. Please find it in your hearts to donate because every little bit helps her in fighting the good fight. Can't donate? Please share and help spread the word to get yourself checked regularly for not only Colon Cancer but all cancers.

Click here: GoFundMe for my BFF